Beltane

Dear me, so much for not disappearing in the blog-world! So sorry....
So May 1st was Beltane, as I'm sure all of you know. Because it was also the birthday of one of my siblings, and because the grass is green (ahh, lovely), I wanted to have a special celebration.
I took my time with all that I did, and yet, I accomplished so much and felt so wonderful....
I went and spoke with one of my employers about my summer job-to-be. I went to the gas station for a few more things for the celebration. I crocheted (Oh yes, and I learned to crochet the week before from a book) some ribbon together in a circle and took it to the park. Then I stuck grasses and dandelions and twigs in it to make a small door wreath. I also found a lovely blackbird's feather and a pinecone, which I attached. I baked a lemon cake with lemon cream cheese frosting. I started a bonfire in our firepit. I did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and my bedroom, all the while playing with the puppy.
Ohh, it was such a beautiful day! So peaceful! It was a little chilly outside, but it didn't affect me any.
My brother got home from work and we had hotdogs over the fire, salad, chips and salsa, cake. We played with the puppy more.
I went to bed peaceful. Thank the gods and goddesses for the most perfect Beltane I've ever experienced. Thank the faeries and wandering spirits for their most sweet attitude toward me and mine.

I hope you all had a lovely Beltane, as well. Hugs to the world!

Long Time....

I know, I know! I haven't written for a long time, but (here come the lame excuses) I haven't had internet so I have to go to the library to get online and I keep forgetting and ... stuff....
Hush, I'm back. Mostly.
In witchy news, one of my sisters has decided to become a witch! After over a year of debating, she finally (happily, I might add) became a Christian witch. Her name, Neviah, is Hebrew for 'Prophetess'. That should tell you quite a bit about her. Mayhap I can get her to write here, as well!
I finally was able to go on a Sunday hike with Witch-N-Bitch last weekend, which was very lovely. I was so determined to go to class the following Tuesday, but forgot until 10pm when it was over. Buggrit! Next time, I hope!
That is about all that is new in my witchy world right now. What about all of you?

Going Insane

Last Sunday, I was at Witch-N-Bitch in town and I was explaining why I wanted to become insane on my birthday. I want to drop all of society and every silly, frivolous inhibition I have. I figure that the day I turn 18 will be a very nice day to finally do that because I'll be dropping everything from my parents and childhood.
Uncle Ac brought to the conversation a point that is marvelous and makes me even more excited to go insane: If I have lost all of the world's rules of how things supposedly are, I can create much easier, therefore adding more power to my spells. I'm kind of using my own words here, but I think I am transposing what he spoke pretty much correctly (if it's all screwed up, you're welcome to correct me, Ac).
Imagine. If I truly become the insane I wish to be, a table will no longer be real. A piece of popcorn is no longer real. This means that I can say, "Okay, so THIS is how I want things to be. This is now how things ARE." I can create my own universe.

Night of Terror

Okay, so I think I mentioned before how I did a real nice Samhain ritual and how a few days before then, I kept getting little premonitions. Well, truth be told, when those started, right before Samhain, something had changed. I keep seeing things. Out of the corner of my eye. Usually just startling me a tad, they mostly seem benevolent. No biggy, yes? Right. So tonight, Mom and I walked together into downtown, spent some time at the all-night cafe, enjoyed ourselves. Near the end, before we left to walk home (30 min. walk), I got real sleepy and just kind of zoned out. It was about 2:15am or so when we left. All was well as we passed the town clock and I 'pentacled' myself, still fine when we passed Memorial Park. But as we started walking right past that, I saw something. Not a big deal, yet. I'm freaking out as I type this. So we continued. We walked through the parking lot of the Bad Building (a building housing a brotherhood ... it has a demonic feel to the place), crossed The Bridge (not certified safe), started walking the trail. Once we got past the gated boundary of the building's property, I kissed one of my guardian trees as thanks for safety and, at this point, we were enjoying ourselves and chatting. We crossed the street to the next trail and I was showing her where certain things happened in this one dream I had had a while back.

In the dream, Mama and I were walking the trail at night. Our friend, Clara Luna (doggie), was walking with us and we told her to go back because it wasn't safe. Like ... spiritually unsound. She finally ran back to town. We continued and I don't really remember what happened next. Nothing bad, but there was a bad, forboding feeling to it.

So we continue walking ... I keep seeing shadows (you may say, duh[!] it's night[!]), but they move. And Things are popping up and I am FREAKING OUT. We pass this one part of the trail where there's a sewer thing above the ground, raised by this cement pouring. I see Mama and I's shadows pass on it and I grab her arm, because at this point, I almost can't take the fright. By the way, the other shadows aren't Mom's and they aren't mine. I tell her kind of what is going on. It is a BAD feeling. We keep walking and I just want to burst out crying and run as fast as possible outta here. But I keep walking with Mom and trying to shield as best I can. We cross under the bridge for the highway and I am still seeing tons of shadows. As we continue walking, Mom informs me that her entire body, but especially the backs of her legs are getting chills.
We are at the Faerie Park and the faerie mound is in sight. I feel like breaking out in a run. But I walk at a steady pace, instead. Right as we reach a split in the sidewalk and stay on our path, the Thing behind us, following us, stops. I can feel it. It kind of fades as we walk farther away from it. But then a ... almost a probe is sent out from it. I can tell that what is following us now isn't IT, but it is still a conscious watching. I tell Mom to hold on as we reach the faerie mound. I walk up onto it, into the circle of trees of the grove and lean against one tree. I'm just shaking like a leaf, tearing up. But peace pervades right away and I walk between a 'doorway' of trees and the faerie 'shield' stays with me. I can still feel the Thing back there, but I feel safe and confident now.
Mom tells me she felt it, too. We continue and as we cross the next street, the Thing stays behind. I feel safe now. We go home.
Boy, oh boy, was that intense!

So now, I'm sitting here, typing this. I can feel ... the back of my neck is cold. I'm facing away from a window in our laundry room. Th- Okay, nevermind. There ... dammit! Okay, well, there WAS a probe watching me, but I was okay. Then as I went to type that, it went away and when I went to type THAT, it came back. So indecisive, eh? Ha.

So anyhow, I was trying to figure out what could be going on. Two things. There is Something right on that second trail that I can feel all the way here. I felt it last night, but not as strong. Tonight, I'm sure it's stronger because we went into its Territory. Speaking of Territory, it got me to thinking. I just explained to the 'probe' that I realise now, that the trail there is It's Territory at night. Between dawn and dusk. I didn't know before. East of the Mound/Grove ... that's my Territory. West is Its. I will no longer go west of the edge of the grove, unless I'm on the busy road. I'll stay out of the Territory at night. And the Thing is allowed to visit my Territory, but tonight it must go or I will be pissed. Well, it went. We have an understanding now.

All is well.
Blessings and Peace.
I apologize to the Thing.

(Note: Sorry it's a bit long. And I don't want to re-read it tonight for edits, so I'll do that later. If there's a typo or something, I'll fix it soon.)

Something To Do With Water....

I mentioned in Samhain Part III that Ac and Carmin gifted us with some essential oil - Hecate Trivia. I didn't know what it was used for, so I asked Carmin on Facebook.

Answer:
Divination, ritual, appeals specifically to Hecate for guidance, dream and astral work.

Okay, that works. I was excited to use it. Last night was Occult Science class at the bookstore in town and we were talking about the oil. Mom told us all that she rubbed some on her hands because it smelled good and a lot of weird stuff happened to her all day.
We got home and I was really tired, in a funky state of mind. When I went to bed, I decided not to try using the oil, just yet. But a few minutes later, I changed my mind and put a couple drops on my pillow; went to sleep. I had really weird dreams, although that's not weird at all. I always get those. Early in the morning, I woke up to either Sam or Mom in the kitchen. I thought, "There's something to do with water. Water." I chewed on that word as whoever was in the kitchen turned on the faucet. I went back to sleep, content with the little premonition, had more weird dreams and that was that. For now. I'm going to expirement with this oil. This is fun!

Samhain Part I

Happy New Year and Merry Samhain, brothers and sisters!

WOW! This year’s Samhain was very fascinating. Indeed.

But first, I’m going to reminisce. I’ve had lots of wonderful Halloweens throughout my childhood.

In fact, when I was 6, I started wanting to be a real witch that Halloween. My brother, cousin Bri and I were all ‘witches’ in play. We each had a music recorder and they were our wands. But then Dad made us go home.
Anywho, I’ve been dressed up as many things in the past. Clowns, Witches, Vampires, even Power Rangers! Of course, as a child, I was happiest after Trick-or-Treating, when I was out of the cold, eating candy.
One year (I think I was 4 and Sam was 6), we were living with our Grandma and we grew our own pumpkins in her garden. It was really wonderful.

Now the story of last year. I dressed up early in the morning, but I ended up looking like a hooker.

So I changed into a vampire.

I went out Trick-or-Treating, because Mama and our friend, Jeff, wanted candy. It was real quiet and almost no one was out for some reason. I walked up a few streets and turned around to go on the other side. I came to this duplex, knocked on one of the doors … waited.

The door opens and there’s this lady who is swaying slightly. She gasps and puts her hands to her mouth. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Are you serious?”
I kind of look at her like … uh … what?
“Are you REALLY Trick-or-Treating? Seriously? Are you sure?”
I’m nodding and thinking I might want to make a run for it.
“Here, I made some chocolate cupcakes for all the little Trick-or-Treaters! Oh wow, our first Trick-or-Treater, I can’t believe it. Look, honey!” She’s talking to a man in his PJ’s who is sitting on their couch, watching TV. He has a beer in his hand and he’s talking to someone on a cell phone. He says into the phone, “Yeah, we just got our first Trick-or-Treater. She’s all excited about it.”
Then the lady brings a tray of cupcakes to me. Gives me one. Insists I take another. “I just want to give her the whole lot of them! I just want to throw them at her!” She stares at me in awe for a few seconds. “I love you! I just want to give you all the cupcakes!”
Finally her husband gets her to shut the door and I leave.

I threw the cupcakes away; No telling what was in them.

Bad Party Luck or No Alcohol Equals No Guests?

So I was joking with Sammy and Mama tonight about how it is very likely that no one will come over for the Samhain Stop-By on Saturday. Because it seems like whenever any of us plans a party or get-together, no one can make it or they're all busy or they're not busy and they just don't come over.

When people actually get themselves to visit, they absolutely love it and talk about how lovely and peaceful and wonderful it is here with us. So why don't they come more often?

Well, we noticed that the only two times when everyone seemed to show up was when either someone brought alcohol or we had bought some beers or wine or something for the guests. You see, Sam hates the taste of alcohol, I don't much like it, either. Mama is allergic. A sip of beer makes her woozy. So we don't often have alcohol. Not only that, we don't see the point in drinking fermented stuff that is unhealthy for you.

Now ... if this is true, that people will only go to parties when there is alcohol, that is really very stupid. And I don't hate to say that. Drunk people act like idiots and what they find funny is only funny to those who are drunk (or stoned ... same thing there). People who are just nervous or socially uptight without something to focus on, without something to relax them, should know that if they are creative, they can relax and enjoy themselves without alcohol. Hell, at our house, if you're needing something to relax, we'll set you up with Unwind tea and you can even take a warm bubble bath for all we care.

Anyway, I could go on about how retarded (and I mean that by the definition of the word) only going to parties with alcohol is, but I would be repeating myself with different words. So what I'm going to say now is this:

At our house, the atmosphere is usually so peaceful that there is no way to be uptight after a few minutes. We have really good energy here. Not only that, but there is little-to-no friction between Sam, Mama and I. We are friends more than we're blood-family. As a result, there is no familial tension in our house. We accept you for who you are in the stage of life you're in, so there is no need to worry about what we'll think. But please, don't avoid our get-togethers like the plague just because we don't serve a drug. Be aware. On a blessed night such as Samhain, I'd think that you'd want to be aware enough to see any fairies or spirits that come a-callin' ... and remember them the next day, as well. I know I do. And I know that I want to be clear-headed on a very holy night like that one is.

Blessed Be

Samhain Stop-By

Okay, so I have nothing going for Samhain. I'm gonna get dressed up and probably go trick-or-treating (I'll tell you the story of why in my Samhain blogpost), but other than that there's not much.
So I'm opening my house. Well, technically, it's Mama and Sammy and I's house. But we love visitors and people love our house ("It's so peaceful!") but they never come by. Which is annoying. When we invite someone to stop by, we mean that. But they don't get it.

Back to what I was saying! Folks in Colorado can come by after 10am on October 31st. After midnight, I'd like to go to sleep, though. You can just stop by sometime between those hours or stay and visit for however long. We'll have tea water and coffee. Bring a snack or your favorite kind of tea, if you want. Or not. Just bring yourself.

If it's not too wet and if I'm (or Sam, if he's not working) not too lazy, there might be a fire in the firepit.
We do have a dog who is very hyper. His name is Stick, and he is a Pootalian. No joke. That's a new breed, which is made from Miniature Poodle and Italian Greyhound. So he's a hyper lap dog. When you walk through the gate, he'll jump up and snap his teeth in your face, but don't be scared. He just likes the sound. He would NEVER bite someone (heavens-to-Betsy, no)!

So for directions or answers to any questions, email me at fearofsanity@gmail.com
I check my email every day, so you'll get a reply directly. OR! If you have my phone number, you are welcome to give me a call, as well.

Blessings and Belches

Meet Another Fajr Witch

After each blogpost from here on out, look to see who wrote it at the bottom. I have a new contributor! My lovely sister, Leyla Fajr, is a new Wiccan/Witch/Pagan/Chick ... well, I mean she's not a spring 'chick', but um. You know what I mean.

Much love!

So I need to give a shoutout to my surrogate Uncle Azzerac, and his lovely partner, Carmin.
They own an online Premium Occult Supplies store, Lodestone & Lady's Mantle. They also hold Occult Science classes at a local bookstore and a weekly Sunday Witch 'n Bitch at a local cafe (during the cold season. Summer, there is hiking).

So I was reading their latest blogpost. And I decided to give a shoutout to John Unger, as well.
Anyone who reads this, please pass this on or buy one of his beautiful pieces of work to help him out in his case.

Hugs