Night of Terror

Okay, so I think I mentioned before how I did a real nice Samhain ritual and how a few days before then, I kept getting little premonitions. Well, truth be told, when those started, right before Samhain, something had changed. I keep seeing things. Out of the corner of my eye. Usually just startling me a tad, they mostly seem benevolent. No biggy, yes? Right. So tonight, Mom and I walked together into downtown, spent some time at the all-night cafe, enjoyed ourselves. Near the end, before we left to walk home (30 min. walk), I got real sleepy and just kind of zoned out. It was about 2:15am or so when we left. All was well as we passed the town clock and I 'pentacled' myself, still fine when we passed Memorial Park. But as we started walking right past that, I saw something. Not a big deal, yet. I'm freaking out as I type this. So we continued. We walked through the parking lot of the Bad Building (a building housing a brotherhood ... it has a demonic feel to the place), crossed The Bridge (not certified safe), started walking the trail. Once we got past the gated boundary of the building's property, I kissed one of my guardian trees as thanks for safety and, at this point, we were enjoying ourselves and chatting. We crossed the street to the next trail and I was showing her where certain things happened in this one dream I had had a while back.

In the dream, Mama and I were walking the trail at night. Our friend, Clara Luna (doggie), was walking with us and we told her to go back because it wasn't safe. Like ... spiritually unsound. She finally ran back to town. We continued and I don't really remember what happened next. Nothing bad, but there was a bad, forboding feeling to it.

So we continue walking ... I keep seeing shadows (you may say, duh[!] it's night[!]), but they move. And Things are popping up and I am FREAKING OUT. We pass this one part of the trail where there's a sewer thing above the ground, raised by this cement pouring. I see Mama and I's shadows pass on it and I grab her arm, because at this point, I almost can't take the fright. By the way, the other shadows aren't Mom's and they aren't mine. I tell her kind of what is going on. It is a BAD feeling. We keep walking and I just want to burst out crying and run as fast as possible outta here. But I keep walking with Mom and trying to shield as best I can. We cross under the bridge for the highway and I am still seeing tons of shadows. As we continue walking, Mom informs me that her entire body, but especially the backs of her legs are getting chills.
We are at the Faerie Park and the faerie mound is in sight. I feel like breaking out in a run. But I walk at a steady pace, instead. Right as we reach a split in the sidewalk and stay on our path, the Thing behind us, following us, stops. I can feel it. It kind of fades as we walk farther away from it. But then a ... almost a probe is sent out from it. I can tell that what is following us now isn't IT, but it is still a conscious watching. I tell Mom to hold on as we reach the faerie mound. I walk up onto it, into the circle of trees of the grove and lean against one tree. I'm just shaking like a leaf, tearing up. But peace pervades right away and I walk between a 'doorway' of trees and the faerie 'shield' stays with me. I can still feel the Thing back there, but I feel safe and confident now.
Mom tells me she felt it, too. We continue and as we cross the next street, the Thing stays behind. I feel safe now. We go home.
Boy, oh boy, was that intense!

So now, I'm sitting here, typing this. I can feel ... the back of my neck is cold. I'm facing away from a window in our laundry room. Th- Okay, nevermind. There ... dammit! Okay, well, there WAS a probe watching me, but I was okay. Then as I went to type that, it went away and when I went to type THAT, it came back. So indecisive, eh? Ha.

So anyhow, I was trying to figure out what could be going on. Two things. There is Something right on that second trail that I can feel all the way here. I felt it last night, but not as strong. Tonight, I'm sure it's stronger because we went into its Territory. Speaking of Territory, it got me to thinking. I just explained to the 'probe' that I realise now, that the trail there is It's Territory at night. Between dawn and dusk. I didn't know before. East of the Mound/Grove ... that's my Territory. West is Its. I will no longer go west of the edge of the grove, unless I'm on the busy road. I'll stay out of the Territory at night. And the Thing is allowed to visit my Territory, but tonight it must go or I will be pissed. Well, it went. We have an understanding now.

All is well.
Blessings and Peace.
I apologize to the Thing.

(Note: Sorry it's a bit long. And I don't want to re-read it tonight for edits, so I'll do that later. If there's a typo or something, I'll fix it soon.)

Samhain Part III

So it was about 6:30pm. Lovely Carmin was working until 8pm, so I thought I’d bring her some orange-cinnamon rolls, oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies, candy, things like that. But first, I’d call, in case she wasn’t in the mood for visiting. I could just imagine working and someone walks a mile or so to visit me and so I can’t just turn them away, but I do NOT want to be social. So I called and she said that she, Uncle Ac and one of their friends was going to come over after Ac got off work at 9pm. Of course I was all excited! My first Samhain Stop-By visitors! (I had to finish singing along to that song. I can’t sing and type at the same time. Haha … that would be an INTERESTING blogpost to upload. It would make no sense.) Sam and Mama and I hung out and joked around and then Mama got ready for work and left at about 8:20pm. She works the night shift. You probably don’t need to know all these little details….

I started a fresh pot of coffee and put a new pan of orange-cinnamon rolls in the oven. Sam started a fire in our firepit outside and we enjoyed the warmth.



Ac, Carmin and their friend Dan arrived and we exchanged hugs. Ac tried to pop my back when he hugged me, but I had been relaxed all day, as well as having done tai chi in the morning, so it didn’t work real well, haha.
Ac and Carmin presented us with beautiful gifts from their shop: An orange skull candle, 4 pink candles, incense and Hecate Trivia oil. The aroma when I open the box is one of the best things in the multiverse!

So we gave Ac, Carmin and Dan a tour of our house. Ac ‘fixed’ my sewing machine, meaning that I had the bobbin on backward. Whoops! In our hallway/art gallery, Carmin was looking at the pictures and I told her the story of the fly and the spider. You see, we have this piece of art that Sammy and I did together (oil pastel) of a jumping spider leaping at a fly. We messed up on one spot and trying to fix it made it worse. But we decided that the fly has a force-field and the spider doesn’t know about it. But he’ll find out about it, oh yes he will, when he runs into it! Anyway, I learned from Carmin which eraser will be able to fix mistakes like that. We agreed, though, that the fly’s force-field was too cool to fix.

Then we sat around the fire, enjoying roasted marshmallows and hotdogs, cinnamon rolls, coffee and family. We had some wonderful conversations and some really nice silences. Our dog, Stick, really enjoyed the company, of course.




He wasn’t as hyper as he usually is, because it was past his bedtime.

Our friends left at about 1am so they could get sleep for the next day and Sammy and I went inside. We enjoyed each other’s presence for a while and conversed, although in a very short time, I couldn’t keep track of my thoughts. I was exhausted after 33 hours awake and only one hour of sleep after the first 7 hours. So we parted for sleep, which was very deep for me that night. …Morning. Yes, morning.

Blessed Be
Thanks for the photos, Sam

Samhain Part II

This Samhain has been just as interesting as last, in a different sort of way. Let me explain. I’m going to be turning 18 in a couple months, so this was a big Samhain to celebrate for me. I decided that I was going to celebrate it with a ritual, my first Samhain ritual. I know, I know … I’ve been studying and practicing (sorta) for about 11 years, but still. I usually just live my life as lovely as I can, but I decided that THIS year, I oughtta do a ritual. A real one.

So I made sure I was up before midnight. I set up with a blanket on the floor over a heater (comforts, ya know), a pentacle drawn with blue pencil underneath that. I had some good stories to read, a sort of lullaby chant to sing, my wand, Mama’s tarot cards, a full purse, a bookmark….
And last, but not least, I had my steaming cup of mint hot cocoa. I stood and began calling the directions … and had to pee. I had 3 minutes before midnight, but I made it! So I stood and began calling the directions. I faced West with my wand and said, “I call upon the North…. Wait.” Lol, as usual, I said the wrong thing. I usually do that sort of thing. After I finished calling the correct directions and everything else, I sat down on the heater so my butt would warm up. I read a bit from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, a few stories from books ‘Sun Lore’ and ‘Moon Lore’, I stated what I wanted to happen in the next year. I did a wonderful tarot reading, and then Stick came into my circle and climbed into my lap for a story (Mary Margaret’s Tree). He loved it and he kept trying to lick my chin and he couldn‘t keep his back leg or his tail still.
Then I opened the circle and took my time (hours) getting ready for the Samhain Stop-By.

The house was clean-er (the dash is to put emphasis on the ‘er‘), all was ready.

I kept checking my emails, facebook, twitter, myspace, in case anyone had any questions or anything. And it was amazing how depressed people were, especially compared to myself. Because I see Samhain as representing new beginnings, it seemed to me that the majority of the people who posted a new status were going to have a terrible year.

Now, most of the things that happened to these people were circumstantial, however there is always an abundance of ways to be un-bothered about it.
Here is an example. One of my sisters, Leyla (as you can see from her post below this one), was in parental house arrest. That is just bullshit. Because she felt anger, a human emotion. Because she no longer wants to be under someone else’s control. I know that she is mature enough to make decisions for herself, but she is forced to be under her parents’ control. So she felt anger and mentioned that she no longer wants to live in that house. Now she is grounded. Boy, is that a good way to make her want to live there! Clever people.
Although she was bothered about it, she still didn’t spend the day sulking and being muddy. She was active and found ways to deal with it and she had a pretty good Samhain, anyway.
Then there are those people who just start sinking in the quicksand of despair. But, continuing with the metaphor of quicksand, if they would only wait and be patient, the (let’s add another metaphor, shall we?) wheel of life will turn again. The sun will come out and dry the mud and you can just brush it off of yourself. Patience and it will all be alright.

Speaking of patience, this was a long post. Thank you for having the patience to wait for Part II and actually read it when it appeared. Part III in a very short while.

I love you.

Samhain Part I

Happy New Year and Merry Samhain, brothers and sisters!

WOW! This year’s Samhain was very fascinating. Indeed.

But first, I’m going to reminisce. I’ve had lots of wonderful Halloweens throughout my childhood.

In fact, when I was 6, I started wanting to be a real witch that Halloween. My brother, cousin Bri and I were all ‘witches’ in play. We each had a music recorder and they were our wands. But then Dad made us go home.
Anywho, I’ve been dressed up as many things in the past. Clowns, Witches, Vampires, even Power Rangers! Of course, as a child, I was happiest after Trick-or-Treating, when I was out of the cold, eating candy.
One year (I think I was 4 and Sam was 6), we were living with our Grandma and we grew our own pumpkins in her garden. It was really wonderful.

Now the story of last year. I dressed up early in the morning, but I ended up looking like a hooker.

So I changed into a vampire.

I went out Trick-or-Treating, because Mama and our friend, Jeff, wanted candy. It was real quiet and almost no one was out for some reason. I walked up a few streets and turned around to go on the other side. I came to this duplex, knocked on one of the doors … waited.

The door opens and there’s this lady who is swaying slightly. She gasps and puts her hands to her mouth. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Are you serious?”
I kind of look at her like … uh … what?
“Are you REALLY Trick-or-Treating? Seriously? Are you sure?”
I’m nodding and thinking I might want to make a run for it.
“Here, I made some chocolate cupcakes for all the little Trick-or-Treaters! Oh wow, our first Trick-or-Treater, I can’t believe it. Look, honey!” She’s talking to a man in his PJ’s who is sitting on their couch, watching TV. He has a beer in his hand and he’s talking to someone on a cell phone. He says into the phone, “Yeah, we just got our first Trick-or-Treater. She’s all excited about it.”
Then the lady brings a tray of cupcakes to me. Gives me one. Insists I take another. “I just want to give her the whole lot of them! I just want to throw them at her!” She stares at me in awe for a few seconds. “I love you! I just want to give you all the cupcakes!”
Finally her husband gets her to shut the door and I leave.

I threw the cupcakes away; No telling what was in them.

Bad Party Luck or No Alcohol Equals No Guests?

So I was joking with Sammy and Mama tonight about how it is very likely that no one will come over for the Samhain Stop-By on Saturday. Because it seems like whenever any of us plans a party or get-together, no one can make it or they're all busy or they're not busy and they just don't come over.

When people actually get themselves to visit, they absolutely love it and talk about how lovely and peaceful and wonderful it is here with us. So why don't they come more often?

Well, we noticed that the only two times when everyone seemed to show up was when either someone brought alcohol or we had bought some beers or wine or something for the guests. You see, Sam hates the taste of alcohol, I don't much like it, either. Mama is allergic. A sip of beer makes her woozy. So we don't often have alcohol. Not only that, we don't see the point in drinking fermented stuff that is unhealthy for you.

Now ... if this is true, that people will only go to parties when there is alcohol, that is really very stupid. And I don't hate to say that. Drunk people act like idiots and what they find funny is only funny to those who are drunk (or stoned ... same thing there). People who are just nervous or socially uptight without something to focus on, without something to relax them, should know that if they are creative, they can relax and enjoy themselves without alcohol. Hell, at our house, if you're needing something to relax, we'll set you up with Unwind tea and you can even take a warm bubble bath for all we care.

Anyway, I could go on about how retarded (and I mean that by the definition of the word) only going to parties with alcohol is, but I would be repeating myself with different words. So what I'm going to say now is this:

At our house, the atmosphere is usually so peaceful that there is no way to be uptight after a few minutes. We have really good energy here. Not only that, but there is little-to-no friction between Sam, Mama and I. We are friends more than we're blood-family. As a result, there is no familial tension in our house. We accept you for who you are in the stage of life you're in, so there is no need to worry about what we'll think. But please, don't avoid our get-togethers like the plague just because we don't serve a drug. Be aware. On a blessed night such as Samhain, I'd think that you'd want to be aware enough to see any fairies or spirits that come a-callin' ... and remember them the next day, as well. I know I do. And I know that I want to be clear-headed on a very holy night like that one is.

Blessed Be

Samhain Stop-By

Okay, so I have nothing going for Samhain. I'm gonna get dressed up and probably go trick-or-treating (I'll tell you the story of why in my Samhain blogpost), but other than that there's not much.
So I'm opening my house. Well, technically, it's Mama and Sammy and I's house. But we love visitors and people love our house ("It's so peaceful!") but they never come by. Which is annoying. When we invite someone to stop by, we mean that. But they don't get it.

Back to what I was saying! Folks in Colorado can come by after 10am on October 31st. After midnight, I'd like to go to sleep, though. You can just stop by sometime between those hours or stay and visit for however long. We'll have tea water and coffee. Bring a snack or your favorite kind of tea, if you want. Or not. Just bring yourself.

If it's not too wet and if I'm (or Sam, if he's not working) not too lazy, there might be a fire in the firepit.
We do have a dog who is very hyper. His name is Stick, and he is a Pootalian. No joke. That's a new breed, which is made from Miniature Poodle and Italian Greyhound. So he's a hyper lap dog. When you walk through the gate, he'll jump up and snap his teeth in your face, but don't be scared. He just likes the sound. He would NEVER bite someone (heavens-to-Betsy, no)!

So for directions or answers to any questions, email me at fearofsanity@gmail.com
I check my email every day, so you'll get a reply directly. OR! If you have my phone number, you are welcome to give me a call, as well.

Blessings and Belches